• Urban Black Girl


Accountability is an important aspect in every relationship: romantic or platonic. Right now though, we're talking about accountability in platonic relationships.

Do you hold your friends accountable? Do you call them out on their bullshit?

What happens when you do call them out?

These are things to consider. Especially, since you should pretty much already know how he or she will react to what you have to say.

When feelings get hurt, things get misconstrued, disappointments happen, and friendships can get strained. That strain can reveal some things about your friendship to you, that you didn't even know that you felt. Those things can continue to further drive a wedge between you both, IF it is allowed to fester for too long.

In friendship, and in life, it is important to move gracefully and with integrity. You cannot be a true friend until you have pushed your pride aside and realize that you are not always right, and everything isn't always about you. I know it can be difficult to undo what you've always done, but you'll realize that people will draw away from you, if you don't make the necessary changes. All people need to see is just a little bit of change.

Now, let me say this, I am not writing this from the perspective of being a completely perfect friend. I have missed phone calls, not texted back, missed a birthday celebration, got a little too irritated, and said some things that wasn't well-received. And that is okay. No one is perfect. However, I can acknowledge all of that, and I've said my sorries and truly meant them when I did, even when I felt justified for my actions. My friendships and relationships far outweighed my stubbornness, no matter how long it took for me to come around.

Accountability is not about taking the blame, or even about who is right and who is wrong. It is simply about being responsible, for the outcome of your friendship.

Ways to hold a friend accountable, without being confrontational:

  1. Speak calmly.

  2. Ask questions, to gain a better understanding of each other's point of view.

  3. Set realistic expectations and be sure to honor them.

  4. Set "consequences".

  5. Forgive.

Now these are not surefire ways to accountability for each and every friendship; however, they can be used as a roadmap.

"Accept responsibility for your actions. Be accountable for your results. Take ownership of your mistakes".

With love always,

-Your Urban Black Girl

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